Best cold beer is GE

Sun Herald

Sunday September 27, 2009

SIMON WEBSTER

Drinkers have been known to turn green before �� usually in the back of cabs on the way home. B eer drinkers are being urged to take a stand against being genetically modified.��My body ... ish a dimple,�� one drinker told The Sun-Herald last weekend after being informed that his beer might contain genetically engineered (GE) ingredients, having untold effects on his genome. ��I will not adulturiterate it with poishon.��After popping outside for a cigarette, he then ordered another schooner and a bag of pork scratchings over which to plot his protest campaign.Beer has long been known to have a natural mutating effect on drinkers, with ugly people becoming increasingly attractive as consumption increases. It is also common for unco-ordinated people to metamorphose into excellent dancers. However, the long-term effects of consuming GE beer are unknown.Scientists fear that just as GE crops are modified to be resistant to specific herbicides, in a worst-case scenario GE drinkers might become resistant to the chilli sauce on doner kebabs.Ever increasing quantities of kebab would be consumed, with the subsequent greenhouse gas production leading to the deaths of all insects and native animals that came into close proximity. Obviously the stakes are high, which is why Greenpeace has called on drinkers to email Foster's after the brewing giant refused to sign a pledge to make its products GE-free.This led to Foster's products �� which include Carlton, VB, Crown, Harp, Pure Blonde, Cascade and Corona �� being listed as ��red��, meaning ��bad�� (in a GE sense), in an alcohol edition of the Greenpeace True Food Guide, released in July.A Foster's spokesman told this columntator that listing was unfair. Foster's Australian-made beers did not use ingredients from GE crops, he said. However, because its standards were tougher than Greenpeace's, the brewer would not make any commitment to being GE-free until it had completed a thorough review of its supply chain in order to ensure everything, including all sorts of enzymes and such things, was untouched by gene technology.Cynics might compare this to a member of Alcoholics Anonymous refusing to take the pledge not to drink until they had checked there was going to be no sherry in the trifle that Grandma was bringing around at Christmas.��Consumers are going to have to take them at their word,�� said Greenpeace GE campaigner Rochelle Porteous. ��We want them to give an assurance to their customers that they are committed to a GE policy. They haven't done that.��Worldwide, Foster's was committed to not using ingredients that would have to be labelled GE, the brewer's spokesman said. In this country, that's not difficult, as Australian authorities are staunchly against labels carrying information that might be of use to the consumer.At present, foods containing refined GE ingredients do not require the dreaded words ��genetically modified�� to be placed on the label (hence the need for a True Food Guide), though a coming review of Australian food-labelling laws (with results due next year) may change that.Drinkers have been known to turn green before �� usually in the back of cabs on the way home �� and Greenpeace hopes drinkers will be so outraged by the mystery surrounding their beer that it will lead to an environmental uprising. Foster's hopes that, as usual, outrage in the pub will lead only to a headache in the morning.If Greenpeace's GE campaign doesn't get people off their barstools, this might: there is increasing evidence that climate change is affecting hop and barley crops.The quality of Saaz hops (used to make pilsener) is diminishing as temperatures rise in the Czech Republic, Germany and Slovakia, treehugger.com reported last week.This follows a prediction last year by New Zealand climate scientist Jim Salinger that climate change would lead to barley becoming scarcer, forming a perfect storm with the hops shortage.��It will mean either there will be pubs without beer or the cost of beer will go up,�� Salinger told the Institute of Brewing and Distilling convention.Never mind peak oil; the world may be facing peak beer. Things are getting serious.In other news, ��silent but deadly�� electric cars will emit a noise to warn pedestrians of their presence, Nissan announced at the Frankfurt Motor Show this month.Nissan's noise and vibration expert, Toshiyuki Tabata, spent 30 years trying to make petrol cars quieter before his employer asked him to find a way to make electric cars louder, he told Bloomberg.Nissan is releasing the Leaf electric car next year.Tabata consulted music composers, who came up with a high-pitched noise similar to that made by the flying cars in the sci-fi movie Blade Runner.��We decided that if we're going to do this, if we have to make sound, then we're going to make it beautiful and futuristic,�� he said.The sound would be emitted when the car was travelling at 20kmh or slower. The tyres make enough noise at higher speeds.People concerned about the Leaf's impact on noise pollution should note that things could get a lot worse. Alternatives to the Blade Runner sound include a noisemaker sold by a Tokyo company that emits the driver's choice of 16 different sounds, including a cat's meow, a cartoon-like ��boing�� and a human voice saying: ��Excuse me.�� And that's the polite version.��Remember the roar of traffic?�� people will say. ��Those were the days.��swebster@fastmail.com.au

© 2009 Sun Herald

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